"I left my nut on the bar room floor..."

A Lower Greenville bar patron shot himself in the crotch while sitting at a bar, then went home and called the police, claiming someone else had shot him. DPD was able to prove his story was fabricated when they found parts of the bullet, a testicle, his penis, and some flesh on the bar floor.

While this may sound like the first verse of a bad country-western song (is there such a thing as a good country-western song??), DPD officers swear it is absolutely true.

Of course, it takes a long time to tell the story because they are laughing too hard while repeating it. BD won't name the bar since they should not be associated with someone so stupid.

According to DPD sources, the incident (which occurred last weekend) started in a little tussle with some other patrons in this bar. Feeling humiliated, the patron went out to his car and came back with a small-caliber weapon tucked in his pants.

(Which brings up the question: Did he know the safety was off??)

The suspect went to the bar and tried to show his newfound manhood to the (female) bartender. She told DPD she did not see anything recognizable in his pants.

(Remember the line by Madeline Kahn from Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles - Is that a 20-gallon hat, or are you glad to see me??)

Moments later, the patron stood up and bounced his gut against the bar, causing the gun to discharge. The bartender told DPD she heard what sounded like a balloon popping, but paid no mind to it since there was a birthday party taking place in the bar.

The patron did not show any signs of pain or distress and left the bar immediately after the shot was fired. He went home, then called the DPD to report he had been shot by persons unknown.

DPD immediately began to doubt his story (could it be the lack of a bullet hole in his pants??) and started to trace his whereabouts during the evening. An inspection of the floor by the bar led to the discovery of the bullet fragments and body parts.

According to initial reports, the bullet entered the patron's scrotum (taking out a testicle and piece of his penis along the way), went through his foot, before lodging in the bar floor.

The patron was admitted to the hospital, but no charges are pending against him at this time.

BD is not making light of the fact that a scumbar patron brought a loaded weapon into a bar with the intent of shooting the bullies whom he believed humiliated him. Sadly, this behavior happens every weekend on Lower Greenville and other places.

BD also knows this person came very close to nominating himself for the Darwin Awards, and therefore deserves some kind of recognition.

Readers of Bipartisan Party Palace blog have been posting their suggestions for new song titles and songs to commemorate our unknown shooter. For a good laugh, click here.

By Avi S. Adelman under Public safety , Lower Greenville