While you were partying, I was getting towed!

Last evening, a young couple ventured to Lower Greenville in search of fun, drinks and a good time.

Ever the gentleman - and cheapskate - he found a parking space on La Vista Court by the motorcycle shop, just steps away from the bars. Lots of lighting and valet drivers all around to watch his car.

Too bad our lovestruck-visitor did not have the sense to look at the street signs before he parked. If he had, he might not be wondering what happened to his car after he rounded the corner.

Here's the whole story, told from the perspective of his car, along with a video presentation.

Dear William -

You stupid dumb schmuck! Do you know where I was while you were partying with some girl on Saturday night????

For your information, I am sitting in the City's impound lot, thanks to your stupidity. How you passed the drivers license test is beyond my comprehension right now. Hell, how do you even pass an eye exam??

You thought you were so cool and debonair, you and that little hussy sitting in my passenger seat. You know she ain't good enough for you, right? God knows how many other girls have sat in that seat before tonight, but that's a whole 'nother story.

Let me see if I understand this. You drive to Lower Greenville without any cash in your pocket and quickly figure out you can't pay the valet parking fees. You drive around looking for a parking space close to the bars so you don't have to get your shoes dirty walking back. That's when you found a whole block of houses and not a damn car on the street. You must have been thinking you just hit the parking jackpot, right?

You parked close to the sign pole, but you made sure you were far back from the STOP sign. You go around and open the door for that girl, and walk hand in hand around the corner past the motorcycle shop.

Did you even think for a second - just one second - to look at the street signs on the pole right next to your front bumper. Omigod, what a dumb idiot.

There were two signs there, dummy. The first one reads, NO PARKING HERE TO CORNER. The second one reads, RESIDENT PARKING ONLY. And both are in English.

Are you catching my drift??? It's bad enough you ignored the signs. Did you happen to see that guy in the orange t-shirt walking around the corner behind you from Hope Street?

I saw him in my rearview mirror and he was watching you very carefully. I think he was even chuckling as you went around the corner. Boom, two seconds later he is standing next to me, reading my license plate number into his cellphone. Just who do you think he was calling, his foot doctor???

Ten minutes later, here comes a police car. The cop says hello to the guy with the cellphone, while his partner starts taking notes about me. Ten more minutes later, he's sticking a parking ticket under my windshield wiper, at which point I am thinking, Okay this is it, they are going away.

But, oh no they didn't. The cop starts filling out another form, and making a few phone calls. All the time, people are looking at me like I am some kind of freak.

--- A video postcard from your car...---

Then about an hour later, this big flatbed truck shows up and parks his butt right in front of me. I'm thinking, oh now it's his turn to get a ticket. But instead of a ticket, some guy whose breath smelled like rotten pepperoni gets out and starts dragging some chains off the truck.

Then he has the unmitigated gall to put his hand under my front end and hook those chains to my frame. God, those hands were greasy.

In less than five minutes, I am getting a tour of Lower Greenville from the top of the flatbed truck. I thought I saw you through the window at Suede, but I never had a chance to honk at you.

I don't know how your night with her went, but I know that my life is over, over, do you hear me! I've been in the car pound all night. There's not enough lights around here to see five feet in front of me, the fence has a hole in it, and some big ugly dude was peeking in my window looking at your girl's purse in the back seat.

Get your butt down here and bail me out now, or pretty soon there won't be much left of me to take home.

Omigod, I cannot believe you treat me this way. Just wait till you drive me off this lot, I am going to grind gears like you have never heard them ground before, you dumb idiot.

I just hope you have $200 to bail my ass out of here. Fast.

By Avi S. Adelman under Public safety , Lower Greenville