This is your face after telling the restaurant manager you want to smoke crack in the bathroom...

There are a few things you should not do in a restaurant, on or off Lower Greenville: Let your 2-year old use the potted plants as a toilet, offer to help the chef cook your dinner, and last but not least, tell the manager you want to smoke some crack in his bathroom.

Apparently, Mr. Douglas Bartholemew MacGregor's parents let him whiz on the plants too often when he was a child. And last night, he learned the hard way what happens when you tell the manager you want to smoke crack in the bathroom.

According to DPD reports and people on the street, Mr. MacGregor was not having a very good Saturday evening. In fact, he was probably stoned out of his mind.

His first stop was a hot dog vendor on the corner, from whom he ordered a hot dog and then offered in payment the sexual services of two women whom only he could see.

He then went into - and out of - a number of bars on the western side of the street, raising the blood pressure and ire of managers, staff and customers alike with his rather unusual behavior.

At the end of the strip, he verbally harassed a waitress standing on the sidewalk. He then entered the restaurant, asking to use the bathroom. Wanting to avoid a scene in front of customers, the manager escorted him to the bathroom door. At that point, Mr. MacGregor told the manager he was going to smoke some crack in the bathroom.

The manager, being a rather polite person, told him he could not smoke anything in the bathroom and told him to leave the restaurant immediately. Mr. MacGregor pushed the manager back and yelled something unintelligible at him. Too bad the manager was also an amateur boxer, because he beat the absolute living crap out of Mr. MacGregor in the process of removing him from the restaurant.

Mr. MacGregor fell into the waiting arms of the police across the street. Mr. MacGregor very loudly identifies himself in the video, and has no trouble telling you about his previous arrests for possession. A field drug testing process failed to confirm the presence of any drugs wrapped in the aluminum foil. But for his efforts, he was rewarded with a free trip to Parkland Hospital, followed by a trip to detox.

Let's roll that beautiful baked bean video...